Moment of Truth?

Well, today is the day. In just a couple hours I’ll be meeting with my mother, whom I haven’t spoken more than a handful of words with in the last 8+ months. As I wrote yesterday, I’m not horribly optimistic about it and yet I am unsure about what to expect. Truthfully, I don’t know what it is she wants to talk about, other than the fact that she wants to start seeing the girls again.

I’ve gone over in my mind so many times about where this all began. If you’re looking at just the surface, it would be safe to say that it was all over a Christmas gift – a gift that ultimately made my husband feel very small and to him, was an intentional stab in the back. But family issues like these are never caused by one isolated, insignificant issue. There’s always a history of numerous, small issues that get buried and forgotten, never spoken about, or spoken about and then swept under the rug, but ultimately never addressed. And then one day, something – or someone – just snaps. Steve snapped. A person can only take so much before they completely snap. I don’t think I would have reacted any differently.

Still, I have to sit and wonder what today’s conversation will be like or be about. I have no place or obligation to apologize for my husband. I cannot continue to just sweep things under the rug. My only hope is that over the course of the last 8 months, my mother has opened her mind and eyes a bit to see what has really been going on for the last 8+ years. I can attest to those things. I can bear my soul and talk about how the past has been toxic and it has to stop. But just like an alcoholic or drug addict, until my mother is willing to acknowledge there is a problem, there is ultimately no solution.

Let’s pray that today is the first day toward a solution.

Not Necessarily a Big Happy Family

It amazes me the ways God has decided to work in our lives. If you’ve read my previous posts, you know how I have seen Him work personally in my life. When Steve & I were unsure about this trip, I prayed for the Lord’s direction and provision. I guess any faithless human being would have expected something like, an unexpected large sum of money to buy an RV. But the Lord, being the Great Teacher He is, pushed us to think a little more broadly and simply provided us encouragement through the mouth of babes.

Another recent example is still playing out. (Although, as I write this, I’m thinking that is the Lord’s pattern – there never really is a final conclusion is there?)

If you are a close friend, you know the trials and tribulations that my family has undergone. I do not come from a “big happy family” by any sense of the word. Strife should have been our last name. But somewhere deep inside me, maybe because I was an only child, I have always longed for that “big, happy family” and nothing makes my heart ache more than the fact that it may never be.

Currently, my mother and I are estranged although she lives less than 30 miles away. I don’t hear from my dad, who lives in California, but seems to have a new family of his own. Just writing about it makes me have to fight back tears. There is much pain, bitterness and resentment from all the things that have happened since Steve & I met, but somehow we have managed to keep our own little family of 5 intact and each day is another notch on the doorpost that we have come one step closer to raising our children with values and attitudes perhaps we missed out on.

Still, I miss my parents and I know my children miss their grandparents. Being an only child, I’m sure this is part of my inner struggle with it all. But truly, I would not want anything less than that “big, happy family”. Last week, I had this nice long talk with God. I cried to Him, told him what my heart desired (like he didn’t already know, right?) and vowed my obedience. “I have no idea what you have in store, Lord,” I said, “but I’ll leave this in your hands and do whatever it is you want me to do.”

The next day, I got an email from my mother, wanting to get together to talk.

I have to be candidly honest. I am not particularly optimistic about this meeting, which will happen tomorrow over lunch. I’ve never felt as though I could get through to my mother and get her to understand my way of life, my way of thinking and where my loyalties lie and why. But I vowed my obedience to God and I have an obligation to follow through, because I know that it is only in obedience to Him that true blessings are bestowed.

9 months? Seriously??

I just don’t know how it is I am going to stay patient for the next 9 months. At least when you find out you’re pregnant, you already have a good month or so down. And for the life of me I can’t figure out why that dumb counter on the blog isn’t working right.

I’m excited. No…more like ecstatic. I’ve dove my nose into books upon books about RVing, homeschooling, etc. and every page I turn just gets me that much more excited. I think the homeschooling idea has me the most excited. Just the sheer thought of getting my kids out of “jail” (as Koti so eloquently termed it) will be an experience.

As I was taking them to school yesterday, Koti makes the following assessment:

“You know, school is just like jail. Think about it. The food is gross, you only get a set amount of time to play outside, and you’re locked up in this building all day long. I mean, they try to spice it up a bit with things like P.E., music and stuff, but its still school. Just like jail, you know how they have carpentry and stuff, but you know its still jail.”

Wow! LOL I died laughing, but deep down inside, I know she’s right. I just can’t wait to get them on the road and get them loving to learn again; about things that matter….things that they NEED to know. I mean, who really cares how many different ways you can do long division if you can’t even cut a recipe in half!

EBay is up and running. I got a couple of huge loads of books this weekend, so I’m listing, listing, listing. It's kind of funny how a bookworm like me ironically ends up running an online bookstore. How appropriate. It’s too soon to tell, but I have great expectations for it!

Garage sale is next Friday. It's mostly going to be putting out clothes, toys and miscellaneous household items.

I think I’ll make one of those thermometer posters for us to track our savings. That might be a good visual aid to keep us motivated.

Kids: What about school?

I have to laugh every time this question is asked. Whether it be in an email, a text or over the phone, it is asked with the exact same verbage every time...."What about the kids and school?"

It amazes me that in this day and age, when virtually any and all of my fellow public-school parents would agree the education in this country is substandard, and homeschooling is on the rise more than any other generation, that this would even be a question. More so, why is it that we have all bought into this idea that the only place our children can get an education is in a public school, and the only people qualified to do so are "certified educators".

I read a very interesting point once upon a time and I don't even remember where I read it, but it went something like this: why is it that we, as mothers, can raise and teach our children through midnight feedings, colic, learning to crawl, walk and run, holding a bottle, spoon and crayon and potty training, but somehow when they reach the age of 5, we no longer think we are capable of "teaching" them? Better yet, how is it that we can somehow convince ourselves that if we send our kids to a building with a bunch of other people their size that have few (good) social skills that they are being prepared for the real world?

We get our little one through the most formidable years of their lives and then hand them off to a stranger, somehow convinced they are more qualified than us to teach them how to learn! And then we spend 13+ years making them socialize with people who, we admit, we don't like their behavior.

My kids have been in both scenarios. They have been homeschooled kids, only exposed to the people I select for them to socialize with. They have been in public school (both before and after homeschooling) where I have witnessed first hand the influence that particular setting and socialization has made on them. Although they are heading to a highly regarded charter school this month, I am a firm believer in this: our children are only as good as the situation we place them in and the people we surround them with.

So, when people ask me this question, "What about school?" my response is this...What about it?

I know, with out an inkling of doubt, that being removed from the public school setting will be a blessing and saving grace to my girls. I can be, and will be, the best "educator" my girls could ever have. They will have the opportunity to see and learn things that no book could ever live up to. I care more about their character, education and growth than any teacher ever could....not because teachers are not good enough, but because they just aren't mom. My children will experience how people really behave and socialize. Let's face it, being bullied for your lunch money or made fun of because your jeans are not the "right" brand is not how the real world is; that's how public school is.

I am ecstatic about the opportunity to pull them out of "school", take them on the road and "unschool" them.

For those who still have their doubts....subscribe to the blog. The girls will be adding their own blogs next summer about what they are seeing and learning! (I hear there is even talk about a web show!)

Money Matters: How will you sustain financially?

Let’s face it; we need money to get through life…for the most part. So let’s cover that question right off the top!

This will, no doubt, be the biggest preparatory task of all. We of course need the funds to purchase our “new home” (the RV), but also enough of a nest egg to pay our expenses for the following 12 months. Too, we will need to consider what funds we will need at the end of the 12 months, either to keep going, or to settle.

Fortunately, Steve is an entrepreneur with a business that allows him to work on the road, if necessary. He is currently working very hard and making many sacrifices to build his business enough that hopefully, with God’s help and grace, there will be some residual monthly income coming in while we are on the road. However, we cannot necessarily count on that 100% to sustain us.

As I mentioned, we will be selling all of material possessions. With the exception of near-and-dear memorabilia, everything will be liquidated. Now, Steve & I have never been the type to have expensive furniture or collector art pieces. Nonetheless, as we have walked around the house to inventory our possessions and estimate their value we have found that just in things like furniture, appliances, toys and knick-knacks, we can get a good nest egg started.

I will also be looking for a part-time job; just something that I can do during the day while the kids are in school (remember, they are my 1st priority!) and offers a little side cash to stash into the nest egg!

The biggest source of funds is going to come from a place that so many of us suburbanites have a difficult time with: cutting expenses. I have taken a long hard look at our budget recently and found that so many of the things we spend money on are “wants” and not “needs”. We “need” a house, electricity, water and heat. However, contrary to what our suburban society has trained us to believe, we DO NOT need a lot of what we spend our money on. Here is just a brief list of what OUR family has spent money on that, in order to save for our adventure, we will be, or have already, eliminated:

• Car payments - we have always tried to avoid these and buy our cars cash – we currently have no car payments
• Car insurance - we only purchase liability. We have found that full coverage is flushing hard-earned money down the toilet, although, you can only do this if you have no car payments!
• Clothing – my kids DO NOT get name brand clothes, EVER. I shop thrift stores often and fortunately they will be going to a uniformed school this year, eliminating the desire for the latest trends!
• Dining Out – like when we were kids, our family has minimized this to being an occasional “treat” rather than a weekly expense. I even found a Restaurant Cookbook that offers many of the famous restaurant secrets to make at home, like KFC chicken, Pizza Hut Pan Pizza & Red Lobster’s Cheese Biscuits (and the kids think this is pretty cool too!)
• Entertainment – this is one of a few of the ways we suburban families get sucked in to the “social standard”. Let’s face it – our kids do not “need” a season pass to the amusement park, $10 movie tickets and $20 snack money at the movies. We have found that bargain matinees (after a hearty brunch at home), 99 cent bowling and even a game of Uno at home are just as entertaining!
• Extra-Curricular Activities – this has become an insane obsession with today’s parents, and yes, even I got sucked in. We were spending almost $100/mo for one of our daughters to take gymnastics twice a week. Over a year, that would be enough money to sustain us for a month on the road! Unless it is a school-sponsored activity (these are generally much more affordable), this is merely an unnecessary “want”
• Food & Groceries – this is an area we had to revamp quite some time ago. I’ve learned 3 key things to keeping these expenses under control: (1) menu planning, (2) buying in bulk (this only works well with strict menu planning, as you buy in bulk to prepare the same meals in rotation) and (3) making time to prepare – you can save a TON of money preparing your own convenience foods, snacks and even some of your household cleaning supplies!
• Personal Care (i.e. haircuts, dry cleaning, salon services) – I’ve learned to cut my husband & children’s hair, Dryel works great, and frankly I can wax and color at home!
• Pet Care – again, I can bathe my dog at home and can minimize my vet visits by shopping around for the best deals on vaccination clinics. Beware! I have found that even the Pet Store clinics who claim to be a bargain can be much overpriced for someone who just needs a quick boarding vaccination!
• School Expenses – this has gotten out of control! Last year, I spent over $600 on extras for school – like field trips, fundraisers, etc. I didn’t even spend that much in a year when I was HOMESCHOOLING!! This year, the girls know….no fundraisers, no pictures (I can take my own, thank you!) and we’ll be compiling our OWN yearbook! The girls will each get a field trip budget and will have to pick and choose which ones they want to attend.
• Utilities – we cancelled our cable movie channels (redbox works just as well), changed all our bulbs to energy efficient, have our thermostat at a constant 68 (WHEN it gets turned back on for the fall) and are switching our phone service to a more affordable provider. Also, the girls get a timer for shower time and I have unplugged the dishwasher – I found we save a lot on our gas and water bill keeping these 2 things under control!

By my rough calculations, we should be able to eliminate almost $1000/mo in expenses. That means that by June 2010, we could have $10,000 saved up. Take into consideration the actual cost of living on the road, and that $10,000 could sustain us for 3-5 months, easily. It’s amazing how much you can live on when you let go of the idea of “stuff” and focus on the family unit.

This has been, and will continue to be, a challenge for all of us. We live in a world of immediate gratification where we are defined by what we have and we feel like we have to give our kids every opportunity to compete with the kid next door. Luckily, the girls are so excited about this trip, that many of the “cutbacks” are inconsequential right now. However, I know as they return to school, it will become more challenging. I can only hope that as we adults learn the value of the family, they too will learn that no gymnastics lesson, field trip or designer label shirt will measure up to good quality time as a family, working together to accomplish a goal that is sure to outshine all that “stuff”.