Beginning in July 2009, an idea we felt came directly from the Lord was conceived. This Blog chronicles each step in our prayerful path preparing for the endeavor and will follow our family through all the trials and triumphs that a family must face. It is sure to be a time of growth, bonding and self-discovery -- both individually for each one of us, as well as collectively as a family...but always in the hands and protection of our Lord.
I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a best friend. I am somewhat of your typical Type A personality, but perfectly comfortable in my own skin about it. I am competitive and ambitious, don't like to accept mediocrity and I thank my dad for every one of those traits. I love deeply, forgive freely and speak openly. I am an only child who consequently cherishes her girlfriends like family.
Well, today is the day. In just a couple hours I’ll be meeting with my mother, whom I haven’t spoken more than a handful of words with in the last 8+ months. As I wrote yesterday, I’m not horribly optimistic about it and yet I am unsure about what to expect. Truthfully, I don’t know what it is she wants to talk about, other than the fact that she wants to start seeing the girls again.
I’ve gone over in my mind so many times about where this all began. If you’re looking at just the surface, it would be safe to say that it was all over a Christmas gift – a gift that ultimately made my husband feel very small and to him, was an intentional stab in the back. But family issues like these are never caused by one isolated, insignificant issue. There’s always a history of numerous, small issues that get buried and forgotten, never spoken about, or spoken about and then swept under the rug, but ultimately never addressed. And then one day, something – or someone – just snaps. Steve snapped. A person can only take so much before they completely snap. I don’t think I would have reacted any differently.
Still, I have to sit and wonder what today’s conversation will be like or be about. I have no place or obligation to apologize for my husband. I cannot continue to just sweep things under the rug. My only hope is that over the course of the last 8 months, my mother has opened her mind and eyes a bit to see what has really been going on for the last 8+ years. I can attest to those things. I can bear my soul and talk about how the past has been toxic and it has to stop. But just like an alcoholic or drug addict, until my mother is willing to acknowledge there is a problem, there is ultimately no solution.
Let’s pray that today is the first day toward a solution.
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