A Daughter of Sarah

I am a self-proclaimed planner. I cannot do anything without a plan. Now, that's not to say I always FOLLOW the plan. I'm also a very side-tracked individual who oftentimes finds myself forgetting about my own plan. But nonetheless, I'm a planner. Tell me you need a project done, and I will plan out every detail, and then delegate the execution of the plan to someone else. I have calendars, to-do lists and sticky notes adorning my house and heaven forbid if you throw away anything that remotely resembles a note or reminder (because to you - and my husband - it looked like trash), your head will be in a sling!

Steve, on the other hand, is spontaneous and can keep a mental log of every phone number, appointment and thing to do neatly cataloged in his brain. He can spontaneously decide to take a weekend trip because he knows the route, knows the calendar is empty and has probably memorized the phone number to the hotel. To him, plans just waste time and prolong the process. Nonetheless, I am trying -- really hard - to appreciate that God knows our differences and placed us together to complement one another and to balance each other out. Sometimes I wish God wasn't so darn smart.

Getting ready for this trip has become (I'll be totally candid here) so overwhelming for me I don't even know how to put it into words. As a planner, I need a date that we are leaving. I need to methodically gather & sell each item we own and will not keep ~ but not too soon and not at the last minute! I need to neatly document and catalog each thing that needs to be accomplished and put a timeline to it. I need to keep "to do" lists and "to get" lists and of course, they must all be in one central location: the 2-inch binder with tab dividers that I created.

Enter Steve: I really think he could be a great spokesman for Nike - no one likes to "Just Do It" more than him. He wants to leave "as soon as possible". He'd be content with just loading everything in boxes and telling people to "just come get it". He wouldn't miss a thing, he says. Every month we stay here, is another month's rent we could put toward our travels. And every day he has to get up and report to a job he practically hates anymore, a part of his spirit dies.

God is stretching my faith in ways I could have never imagined. The uncomfortable feeling of abandoning my need to plan and organize this journey is overwhelming and fills me with more anxiety than anything I have ever felt. And then the Lord reminds me of something -- what must Abraham's wife Sarah have gone through! But in the end, God blessed her beyond comprehension!

I have relied on my own planning and organization for every major aspect of my life. From planning for Destini's arrival, every move we've ever made, and now this trip. But I have been gently reminded that by clinging to those comforts, I rob myself of 2 very important blessings:

(1) My husband is blessed when I bless him, and the only way to truly bless my husband is to love him enough to be his helper in his plan, thereby expressing my respect for him, and showing my obedience towards God by being obedient to my husband.

and (2) By abandoning my self-made "plan", I allow God to follow through on His plan. It is only by faith that I can relinquish control and provision of this trip over to Him. Then, I can see His work and his blessings.