Back on the Bandwagon

Well, life has certainly been quite full since my last entry. It goes without saying that I met with my mom and as I expected and mentioned, blessing are certainly bestowed when we are obedient! I wasn't too keen on meeting. I'm ashamed to say that I am a very non-confrontational person. Steve has hounded me for years to speak up more, say what's on my mind, put my foot down, etc. but it's always been something I've had a hard time with. It's just always been much easier to keep those things to myself and keep the peace. So meeting with mom, I knew, was going to force me to face a not-so-peaceful situation.

Filled with anxiety and discomfort, I didn't even know how to begin a conversation with my own mother. For nearly the last 10 years, I have felt as though neither of my parents have had a clue who I even am -- how do you have a conversation with someone that is supposed to know you so well, yet really knows nothing about you? Fortunately, mom opened the conversation up with words I spoke to myself too many times over the last 10 years...

"I feel like I have no relationship with you and that is very hard for me"

A common ground is always a good place to start I suppose. After 2 weeks of trying to process the day I had with her, I have to admit I have forgotten many details, but I cannot forget the big picture.

Mom and I miss each other, but we are very different people. I realize that much of what I may have expected from her as a mother, grandmother & mother-in-law, wasn't necessarily her own expectation for herself. She was a very different daughter than I am, we couldn't be more different as mothers and our perspectives of wife-hood come from opposite ends of the spectrum. I sit and ponder all these differences and have to humorously ask myself, "where in the heck did I come from?"

Much of my and mom's conversation diverted toward spiritual and biblical aspects here and there, aspects that brought to light our differences. And then I realized "where I came from"....I have been reborn in the truest sense of the word. I know how different my life and viewpoints would be had Christ not come into my life and changed my heart, my thinking and my priorities. The differences that my mother and I have are merely an outword sign of what the Lord has done within me.

Don't get me wrong, I know that my mother believes in God and I do think she is saved. But it would be naive to say that all "believers" are the same. Me, personally -- I crave God's word and I long for opportunities to learn how I can change things in my life for the better. I'm kind of developing a liking for being one of those "weird Christians". But, I also know that not everyone is like that.

May God use me to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world.

Matthew 5:13-16