Mother's Intuition

I love when I have those "ah ha" moments. What I hate about them, is the bitter after-taste they leave when you realize, you really knew this all along.

We've been struggling with behavioral issues with our oldest, Destini since she was about 3 or 4 years old -- years before my divorce from her bio-father. I have consulted with parenting coaches, pediatricians, social workers, teachers, psychologists and psychiatrists. In spite of the 20+ years of professional training I have consulted, it looks like I am finally headed towards a solution.

But this is not at the credit of that 20+ years of professional training & education, but merely my own 13 years of being a mother and less than $10 on a book.

One thing that dawned on me as I read this book, was that none of these so-called professionals ever recommended any bloodwork, diet journaling or allergy testing. No one ever requested psychological testing, MRI's or CAT scans. Not one doctor ever asked for results of standardized tests. The parent coaches and social workers never did an in-home observation. And my daughter's obvious difficulty with organization and stress-management never raised a red flag to teachers that there was a focus issue. But on our second visit to the psychiatrist, they gave her a prescription for an antidepressent, diagnosed her with depression, anxiety and trichotillomania and recommended once-a-week meetings with the therapist and once-a-month visits with the psychiatrist. Meds & meetings. Following this regimine would cost us approximately $500+ per month and there was no outlook for how long this treatment plan would need to continue.

I thank God He created me to be an investigator and someday my daughter will be thankful she was born to parents who never take anything at face value.

Realizing that this was a treatment plan we simply would not be able to consistantly afford, I began doing my own research. Without going into great detail (I'll save that for the book), what I found made me angry, relieved and hopeful. Angry because no one ever thought of this. Relieved because I knew now we could fix it. Hopeful because at least Dezi is young enough that we can all enjoy her childhood like we should before its too late.

Simply put, it's all about diet. We have determined that Destini, like millions of other kids and her mom included, are sugar addicts and highly sugar sensitive. Similar to diabetics, our bodies simply do not process sugars the same way, but rather it reacts with our bodies the way alcohol does with an alcoholic. With diet changes and close monitoring, Destini CAN overcome this monster that has taken over her life!

I've heard and read many stories of children who overcame a gamut of emotional and behavioral problems with diet change. I have always kept that possibility in the back of my head, but I never put much weight on it. But motherly instinct kicked in and I truly believe it's going to pay off.

Remember that, despite the cost, studies and time it costs to become a doctor, psychologist or family counselor, no professional trumps a mother's intuition. I should have learned that a long time ago when Destini had to have surgery at 5 weeks old! (another story for the book!)

Not Necessarily a Big Happy Family

It amazes me the ways God has decided to work in our lives. If you’ve read my previous posts, you know how I have seen Him work personally in my life. When Steve & I were unsure about this trip, I prayed for the Lord’s direction and provision. I guess any faithless human being would have expected something like, an unexpected large sum of money to buy an RV. But the Lord, being the Great Teacher He is, pushed us to think a little more broadly and simply provided us encouragement through the mouth of babes.

Another recent example is still playing out. (Although, as I write this, I’m thinking that is the Lord’s pattern – there never really is a final conclusion is there?)

If you are a close friend, you know the trials and tribulations that my family has undergone. I do not come from a “big happy family” by any sense of the word. Strife should have been our last name. But somewhere deep inside me, maybe because I was an only child, I have always longed for that “big, happy family” and nothing makes my heart ache more than the fact that it may never be.

Currently, my mother and I are estranged although she lives less than 30 miles away. I don’t hear from my dad, who lives in California, but seems to have a new family of his own. Just writing about it makes me have to fight back tears. There is much pain, bitterness and resentment from all the things that have happened since Steve & I met, but somehow we have managed to keep our own little family of 5 intact and each day is another notch on the doorpost that we have come one step closer to raising our children with values and attitudes perhaps we missed out on.

Still, I miss my parents and I know my children miss their grandparents. Being an only child, I’m sure this is part of my inner struggle with it all. But truly, I would not want anything less than that “big, happy family”. Last week, I had this nice long talk with God. I cried to Him, told him what my heart desired (like he didn’t already know, right?) and vowed my obedience. “I have no idea what you have in store, Lord,” I said, “but I’ll leave this in your hands and do whatever it is you want me to do.”

The next day, I got an email from my mother, wanting to get together to talk.

I have to be candidly honest. I am not particularly optimistic about this meeting, which will happen tomorrow over lunch. I’ve never felt as though I could get through to my mother and get her to understand my way of life, my way of thinking and where my loyalties lie and why. But I vowed my obedience to God and I have an obligation to follow through, because I know that it is only in obedience to Him that true blessings are bestowed.

Kids: What about school?

I have to laugh every time this question is asked. Whether it be in an email, a text or over the phone, it is asked with the exact same verbage every time...."What about the kids and school?"

It amazes me that in this day and age, when virtually any and all of my fellow public-school parents would agree the education in this country is substandard, and homeschooling is on the rise more than any other generation, that this would even be a question. More so, why is it that we have all bought into this idea that the only place our children can get an education is in a public school, and the only people qualified to do so are "certified educators".

I read a very interesting point once upon a time and I don't even remember where I read it, but it went something like this: why is it that we, as mothers, can raise and teach our children through midnight feedings, colic, learning to crawl, walk and run, holding a bottle, spoon and crayon and potty training, but somehow when they reach the age of 5, we no longer think we are capable of "teaching" them? Better yet, how is it that we can somehow convince ourselves that if we send our kids to a building with a bunch of other people their size that have few (good) social skills that they are being prepared for the real world?

We get our little one through the most formidable years of their lives and then hand them off to a stranger, somehow convinced they are more qualified than us to teach them how to learn! And then we spend 13+ years making them socialize with people who, we admit, we don't like their behavior.

My kids have been in both scenarios. They have been homeschooled kids, only exposed to the people I select for them to socialize with. They have been in public school (both before and after homeschooling) where I have witnessed first hand the influence that particular setting and socialization has made on them. Although they are heading to a highly regarded charter school this month, I am a firm believer in this: our children are only as good as the situation we place them in and the people we surround them with.

So, when people ask me this question, "What about school?" my response is this...What about it?

I know, with out an inkling of doubt, that being removed from the public school setting will be a blessing and saving grace to my girls. I can be, and will be, the best "educator" my girls could ever have. They will have the opportunity to see and learn things that no book could ever live up to. I care more about their character, education and growth than any teacher ever could....not because teachers are not good enough, but because they just aren't mom. My children will experience how people really behave and socialize. Let's face it, being bullied for your lunch money or made fun of because your jeans are not the "right" brand is not how the real world is; that's how public school is.

I am ecstatic about the opportunity to pull them out of "school", take them on the road and "unschool" them.

For those who still have their doubts....subscribe to the blog. The girls will be adding their own blogs next summer about what they are seeing and learning! (I hear there is even talk about a web show!)